; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
