I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
