I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
