A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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