Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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