I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
