when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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