Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
