no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
