you mean i was at the winter classic?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
