I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
