Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
