So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ttyl tear gas
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
