whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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