i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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