Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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