So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We were destined to go to rehab together
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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