yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
