"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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