Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
