She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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