If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize