Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
