thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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