my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
