I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
