dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
