Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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