White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
