I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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