And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize