A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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