why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
