I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
