Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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