I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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