i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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