you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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