Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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