In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize