i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize