it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
