I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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