i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize