I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
