She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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