Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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