I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
