your room smells of hookers.
And success
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
