you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
