I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
