It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
