I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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