The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
