Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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