things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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