y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it glows. i had to have it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
