I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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