Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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