I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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