so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
