he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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