So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
