he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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