this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How naked do you want me to be?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
