cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
